Live and let live

Dear God, I believe in you. I’ve always do. But sometimes, I drift away from you unknowingly. It’s like my heart feels empty, and I don’t feel myself in your embrace anymore. Why is this happening? I really miss you. I long to be secured in your arms one day. You holding me close and telling me “It’s alright child, DaddyGod’s here” recently, a lot of things have traumatized me. I’m so lost so troubled and so confused. Lord, no one seems to help me. Im typing this to you in hope that you’re watching me. You’re telling me you will help. Yes I know you will. But Lord, do you know I’m so afraid of my results? Tomorrow is the day I’ll be getting back my O’level results. I’ve worked hard, but I did not give my best. I did not work hard enough. Whenever I think of O’levels, I’m struck heavily with guilt. I don’t want to face it tomorrow. What if  I don’t do well? What if I can’t get into the junior college I want- SAJC. God, what do I do? I know I need a lot of faith in me right now. I need to believe strongly in you that I’ll get 8points for my L1R5. But its seemingly impossible I know it. But nevertheless Lord, I’m putting all my faith and trust in you. No matter good or bad my results turn out to be, I’ll thank you God for giving me those. Because there’s always good in the bad. And Lord you promised, “Ask and It’ll be given, seek and you’ll find, knock and the doors would be opened unto you” I’ve been repeating this verse for a number of times. It’d never failed to give me self-assurance and self-comfort. So I believe Lord, that I’ll do well. That my results will be near my expectation (8points) tomorrow. That I’ll not have to worry.  That I’ll not have to break down. I’m afraid, Daddy. Can you please comfort me? My heart’s beating fast, my thoughts are running wild. I just need you. To be here, and to be with me every second. Because when you’re around, that’s when I feel my best.

Daddy, I know you’re against homosexuals. I know what I’m doing is wrong. Loving a girl when I’m a girl myself. But I can’t stop my feelings, I can’t control it Lord. I’m asking that you’ll forgive me. That you’ll tell me you understand and give me time Lord… I just need your support. Because sometimes, when I know I’m in the midst of sinning, I tend to be afraid and move away from you. And I don’t want that to happen. I just need you, in my life. For eternity. Forever. Sometimes, I can’t help but look up to the sky, hoping that your presence will be seen  by my very pair of eyes. Lord, thank you for sending me your angels to be with me. To take care of me and pick me up when I fall. Thank you for constantly showering your blessings unto me, my family and my friends. Things would have been worse if you weren’t here. Lord, I just hope you’ll stay with me throughout. To guide me and carry me while I walk this journey. I want to be in your arms forever. How great and mighty you are, Daddy.

Everyday, I’ve been living in this life. Feeling so tired, so weary… Lord, I ask that you’ll give me the strength to carry on. Because I’m living my life for you. I’m breathing because of you. My faith, this strong faith has even shock me many a times. Because I never knew that I had so much faith in you. Its just like, my heart knows it. And I feel happy about that. Today is a Sunday, I skipped church because I woke up late and was unable to make it on time. I’m sorry, daddy. Maybe sometimes, I don’t feel your presence in church anymore. Probably because I’m distracted/ I’m afraid to face you. That’s why I’m writing to you now. Because I’ll feel better releasing these thoughts to you. All these I’ve been wanting to say to you. Thank you ,Thank you my father. I love you so much.

Please, always be here. Amen.